Not exactly a journal

Monday, February 13, 2006

Back to the past - I

Aaah! It hits me again. Life has suddenly come to a standstill. No new thoughts... All memories from the past are surfacing for no reason. I am not entirely sure if it's a blow of nostalgia. I am not longing for anything. And I am definitely not homesick.

Quizzes are about to begin. I can clearly see the face of the monster ready to pounce on me. I am expected to open a few books and find out what the sixth sem is all about and prepare myself for this battle. Nine days. Six quizzes. One man....without satisfactory preparation. Unfortunately, I don't feel like opening a book at the moment. It's one of those few moments when I just don't feel like studying. Coming to that, I don't feel like doing anything, thanks to this feeling that I am not able to define.

I've spent the last half an hour thinking about my life when I was at school. I imagined myself sitting with my old classmates making fun of this teacher we all hated, gossiping, enjoying inter-class tussles which often left some students injured and not to be forgotten - playing in the football field. I've been scoring a lot of goals for the last few minutes. In my dream. This is not an unnatural phenomenon. We call it day dreaming.
I love dreaming. In my dreams, I am all powerful, I am omnipresent. I can see everything and everyone and do anything I want. And combining football with power has always been a great passion of mine. So I continue to score goals, even though I am single handedly playing against 11 players. It is fun, trust me. But gets a bit boring when I am not able to invent new goal-scoring stunts. So let me leave the dream for sometime. For good.

It's a relief that I've come out of that stupid dream. Dreams can be dangerous, though they might give you the pleasure of doing something extraordinary, which may not be possible in real life.
Let me ponder over what I've been doing for the past one hour. I haven't done anything significant. I didn't save the world. I didn't kiss a girl. I didn't bungee jump. I didn't scuba dive. I didn't vanquish a super-villian. The only thing I have been doing is play football. With a few friends whom I haven't seen for five years.. In a dream...

I have tried hard to classify this feeling. Memories from the past have been breaching my skull for the past one hour and I haven't been able to control them. I find myself staring at the rotating fan....for no specific reason. Am I nostalgic? I don't think so. Homesick? No way. Do I like my past more than my present? I don't know. Even if I do, I am fully aware that there is no way I can go back in time, whatever H.G.Wells might say. I must find out a way to overcome this emotion (if it is one) and get back to my work-out which will help me in the battle. Lemme concentrate on the present...........

--------------------------10 min later---------------------

I didn't know blogging was so effective. It brought me back into the present from the past. I've been so immersed into blogging that I completely forgot about being in the past. Or rather, past forgot about being in my present. Random memories have finally decided to go back into the deep neural network. I feel great. Powerful. I see the books lying on the bed. The power button on the computer is starting to look too friendly. I can study now. With strength. With will. With full attention........BANG! (a soft knock on the door).....What did he say?.....No quiz tomorrow! ....Postponed?.......sigh, that's a relief..... I can relax now...

-------------------------a minute later---------------------

Ashish! Ashish! Ashish! Yes....I can do it. Fifty yards, it must be. Here comes the ball. Nice pass, buddy! Here I go up in the air. The world is upside down. Perfect bicycle kick! Inspired from Shaolin Soccer. And there goes the bullet towards the enemy. And it's a GOAL!!!